I know. I've been neglecting this blog.
Maybe I should write here more
Instead of letting all the thoughts just get to me.
I don't like it when the swirl inside my brain..
Creating pain out of nothing.
the worst part is...
..they do it so easily...
I don't know what to do anymore.
My life feels empty.
I don't like how it's being led.
But it's so hard to change.
I feel like a brick wall is surrounding me,
restricting me from ever changing
and no matter how hard I pound into it,
how much I drill and stab and smash it,
it still controls me
still holds my heart captive
still kills me.
I'm tired of looking around me
and have everything that is supposedly a part of me
be a part of someone else.
I'm tired of others defying my life.
I think the worst of this is that
All of "me" is almost nothing of myself, and mostly of others,
and yet, I'm criticized the most for it,
out of anyone I know.
I have to deal with other people's shit
and their constant complaints
about how their life is the worst there is.
I'm a good sport about it.
Offering advice, listening.
But it gets tiring.
Being there for people..
and being outcasted by them nonetheless.