I'm Wondering

Again.

I know it's no good

for me.

But what if..

I can't help it?

I mean, 

It is my subconscious, after all.

Oh well. What can I do?

I've been sick recently. It sucks. 
A helluvu lot.
But I digress.
I've been feeling better
these past two days.
Which is a good thing, I suppose.
You know what,,,
I haven't written
to him
in a long long time.


Oh yeaa. 
You guys didn't know
about that,
The fact that I write
to him.
The one that makes my heart beat
my stomach drop
my love flow
even more than my tears.


I wonder.. Do you even know
his name?


Probably not.
Maybe I won't tell you. But you can guess.
Based on the backround photo.
and my name.


anyways.
I'd like to say something
that I was meaning to write
a few days ago.
I cried the other day.
A long cry..
I mean, it's not too unusual
but it wasn't because of
family issues.
or something.
I saw a pigeon outside
and while passing it
I noticed 
it was walking strangely
limping.
So upon better observation
I notice the fact that
one of its feet
wasn't there.
In its place was
a stub.
It made me
quite sad.
I mean.
Winter is showing its face
and that got me thinking
This bird probably won't survive the winter
because of something that the human world caused it to suffer.
Here it is, limping the streets of New York
eating crumbs off dirty floors.
with a stub for a foot.
because some wretched manmade invention
cause its foot to be ripped off
without any pity
for it is an object,
It does not feel.
Unlike the poor pigeon
which suffered pain for so long
because its foot was teared off
pure and simple
with no help from anyone
no medicine, natural or manmade
no love.
That's not the only thing
that strung a pain in my heart.
When I passed this poor thing
and looked at it
I looked up at me
in total mortal fear.
As if it was living
in complete and utter Fear 
of everything
in the human world.
it wasn't a -This is a big freaky human- kind of fear
it was a pure -I don't want to be hurt anymore- fear.
and that made me
cry.








I think the worst part is
that after all that..
It decided to rain like a bitch that day
for at least an hour
And I swear to you
that was the hardest rain
I've ever seen in my life.

Ninja Fish.

Would be cool, yea?

There should be some..

I'd buy em.

Hmmm....

Meanwhile. Nothing's new on my side.

I made a formspring thingy?

http://www.formspring.me/Eikou

That thing^

It's where people can like..

Anonymously ask me shiz.

Wondering about stuff..

isn't all that great.

It feels as if my mind 

is being clogged..

with worthless shit

that shouldn't have been there in the first place.

Life's a bitch anyways.

What's it matter?

Thinking about opening up

an art shop..

on Gaia.

Don't know if

I'll be able to handle it.

With school, dealing with my mom

With the way my hand

Hates to draw

at the Worst time.

I wonder

if life will ever

stop being cruel

for once.

And decide to

be a bit nice

to this Hell of 

a world.

I wonder..

A lot.

Especially today.

But again, I don't like it. 

So I'll go and

get distracted.

Bye.

I'd put a heart.

But I'm afraid 

that it'd just be

another 

meaningless

token of affection.

...