It's been forever.

I know. I've been neglecting this blog.

Maybe I should write here more

Instead of letting all the thoughts just get to me.

I don't like it when the swirl inside my brain..

Creating pain out of nothing.

the worst part is...

..they do it so easily...

You know..

I don't know what to do anymore.

My life feels empty.

I don't like how it's being led.

But it's so hard to change.

I feel like a brick wall is surrounding me,

restricting me from ever changing

and no matter how hard I pound into it,

how much I drill and stab and smash it,

it still controls me

still holds my heart captive

still kills me.

I'm tired of looking around me

and have everything that is supposedly a part of me

be a part of someone else.

I'm tired of others defying my life.

I think the worst of this is that

All of "me" is almost nothing of myself, and mostly of others,

and yet, I'm criticized the most for it,

out of anyone I know.

And then,

I have to deal with other people's shit

and their constant complaints

about how their life is the worst there is.

I'm a good sport about it.

Offering advice, listening.

You know?

But it gets tiring.

Being there for people..

and being outcasted by them nonetheless.